Source of Strength

These are very difficult times right now. If you are missing the American economic struggle right now then please feel free to come out from under the rock you've been residing under. People are losing their homes in record numbers and many are being displaced to the great unknown. I'm not economist, I don't know what the answer is. But this I know... I can't help every single person. I work for a mortgage company. My job entails assisting customers to lower their interest rate so they can afford their payments. Many people have legitimate needs and I desperately work to help them. I take each case way more personal than I should. I fall asleep at night praying for customers the Lord has put on my heart. I think of them putting on my make up, driving to work, when I take the beloved potty break at work. They are always in my mind. And then there are those customers who don't need help and are greedy and bombard me with phone calls and emails thinking they are the only customer I have. And you know what I do with them? I help them too.

But honestly, I'm completely drained. Some days I can't handle one more person whining and complaining because they can't keep their timeshare or they can't keep their kids in all their sports activities. These are tough times people... it requires tough decisions. And seriously... there are some days I just can't walk in to work. I'm petrified. Who did I overlook? Who will lose their house because there are not enough hours in the day to help them all?? Who is screaming at me on my voicemail? If you know me at all you know that I can not handle someone raising their voice to me.

But mostly... I HATE the attitude I'm developing. I hate the callousness that see starting to take over. I listen to a voicemail and just want to tell people to "shut up. you're a liar and I don't have time for you."

And then there are those moments. Those quiet moments when I stop and I realize... there is more to all of this. There is the Lord. HE can provide me more hours. He can make things happen quickly and swiftly. He can guard my heart and protect my spirit. He is my ultimate source of strength - and oh my gosh how I love Him for that. My goal is to please him. And I really need his protection, guidance, wisdom and many days, His deliverance.