My heart hurts...

Oh my gracious... do you ever have a certain moment where something weighs so heavy on your heart that is just hurts? Maybe it's because I've been hanging out in a land where all my worlds have collided. Where every decade of my life is represented and housed in a single location. Where the memories... good and bad... can be recalled in a single instant. And it has served to remind me that... after living here for almost a year and half I have made no friends here. I have never made friends easily and knew this would be a challenge when we moved here, but it's this holiday season when we have no friends to celebrate with that is has seemed to hit me the most. 

My prayer really is that the Lord would bring some godly people in to our lives. Some people we can share our daily lives with. We hear so often about the importance of friendship, especially for women, and how they serve to enhance our daily lives. And then a part of me wonders if I've closed myself off somehow. I'm still very hurt over our move and how after 2 decades (for Jeff) and 1 decade (for me) of living in the same town, and a member of 2 churches we could not hardly get anyone to help us move. If it wasn't for the help of some dear friends keeping Brooke and allowing Jeff time to pack and then the help of 3 friends who dedicated a couple of hours (you know who you are) I would have thought that we had made no impact on people whatsoever. Does it sting a little to know that after 3 emails begging people to help that we could get hardly none? I can't describe the depth of pain. To this day it hurts more than you know. And the fact that people didn't even respond to say they couldn't help is beyond painful. No fond farewells. No hugs good-bye. Nothing to say "We love you and will miss you."

So... maybe somewhere deep inside I've put up my walls to prevent being hurt again and thus created this friendless atmosphere for myself. But I so dearly love having friends. People to celebrate with, rejoice with, cry with, have fun with. 

Wow... what a downer blog, huh?!! I thought blog world was suppose to be happy world!! So... this is just an opportunity, once again, to have a front row seat to an answered prayer. I know the Lord knows the value of friendship... he hand picked 12 of his own to surround Himself with. If anyone can bring someone along to share the joy and laughter of sisterhood with it is the Lord. He knows my desire and my fears better than anyone. 

The song "More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark immediately comes to my mind when I think of friendship. I have always reserved this song for my best friend, Sandy, because if ever these world emulated a friendship it would be ours, but as an upbeat note to this downer blog I'm quite certain she's okay with me sharing the words... and I promise the next blog will be more upbeat!

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways
You make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's ok to cry with you
Something about just being with you that
When I leave I feel like I've been with God
And that's the way it ought to be, yeah

Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
Cause you have spoken the truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know
Yeah, yeah, yeah, more than you'll ever know
Yeah, yeah, yeah

You had faith
When I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I've been hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it outght to be, yeah

You have carried me
You have taken on a burden
That wasn't your own, yeah
May that blessing return to you
A hundredfold
Oh oh yeah, a hundredfold