I am not scrambling this year.
And it hurts.
My first Father's Day without my father. Other than his birthday, which occurred one month after his passing, this has been, by far, the second hardest holiday to cope with the loss. A day when I would normally be talking on the phone with my daddy, but instead will probably be spent speaking to him through tears.
I think one thing that really stings is I honestly can not recall the last Father's Day I ever spent with my daddy.
Having not had the most ideal, model relationship with my father throughout the years I can, at times, really be left to question what he really thought of me. Of course he loved me. That's kind of a given. But did he like me? We were so similar and exact opposites all wrapped up in one defunct dynamic. Because of this battle I'm very quick to tell Angel Bug all the time that I LIKE her. And I tell her the things I like about her in hopes that she never has to question that not only is she loved (which seems to be default for parenthood), but she is also liked.
I was scrounging through the filing cabinet the other day looking for something for my husband and came across this missive from my daddy in 1999. Awkward (or divine?) timing for the week.
More than any other communication from my dad I will probably cherish this the most because he actually said he had prayed for me.
I wish I had some spiritual connection lesson in all this, but I don't.
Ecclesiastes says there is a time to mourn so I am doing just that.
As much as I hope and pray you are having a glorious Father's Day with our Heavenly Father I still wish you were here. I miss you daddy.
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