Broken

It's true. 
I'm completely broken. I do stupid stuff all the time. 
It's not like it's a secret. It's not like I don't put forth every effort to keep those secret things hidden in hopes of not being exposed, but then sometimes all kinds of ugliness comes out rearing its head. Most people would call that "being human". Others take it as an opportunity to heap further insults and injury on to an already unsteady spirit. 

I try to be a "good" person. Always falling short, of course. I think everyone "tries*. Something about this past week has offered many introspective moments. One was a quote that I saw... "Everyone thinks of changing the world. But no one thinks of changing himself."

I knew how true this was for me. It sure is easier to sit from a distance (not taking on others burdens) and judge them for behavior, attitudes, or actions you may find wrong. It takes a lot less effort to do that than it does to look inward and find ways to change yourself. You *might* actually have to admit that you need a Savior when you inwardly dig too deep. 

The Christian life is hard. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. I didn't say it wasn't worth it. I said it was hard. For those who think it's easy, I invite you to come onboard and join the journey. The Lord promised "You will have trouble in this world. But take heart I have OVERCOME the world." (John 16:33). 

You want to hear some HARD things about the Christian life... 
- Some people within the church will think you're not worthy. 
- Some people outside the church will think you're not worthy. 
- You will tell yourself that you're not worthy. 
- Satan will whisper to you constantly that you're not worthy. 

The precious blood of Jesus wipes all those lies away. The saddest thing about living with the mindset of unworthiness is that you are literally rejecting the power of the Blood. Rejecting His Grace. 
How sad for the believer to not give grace. 
How sad for the unbeliever to not know grace. 
How sad for yourself to not embrace grace. 
And Satan loses because he thinks he's bigger than grace. He's not. 

There will be ALWAYS be people telling you that you're not good enough. Many times those people are looking for you to fall short and will never see the moments when you actually get it right. And sadly those are the people who never see the beauty of life. They seek out the ugly. And whatever you seek, you will find. 

What I have learned about Ugly Seekers is that they intentionally look for those ugly moments to expose in order to hide their own brokenness. I've been guilty of it. I know what it looks like. Sometimes our own "ugly" is too much to bear so it's easier to expose someone else's. 

But here is the beauty of living a life of grace... 
Just because I've accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior does not make me perfect. 
Just because I share in fellowship with other believers on a weekly basis does not mean I have it all together. 
Just because the living, breathing Word of God still speaks to my heart even though I have fallen doesn't mean it can't be used to improve upon my spiritual walk. 
Just because I have broken moments that turn people away from Christ doesn't mean He has never used me for the Kingdom. 

This stanza of "Jesus Saves" resonates deeply within me:
"Freedom's calling, chains are falling, hope is dawning bright and true. 
Day is breaking, night is quaking, God is making *ALL THINGS NEW* [emphasis added]. 
Jesus saves."

People may judge my brokenness. 
People may expose my brokenness. 
People may abuse the privilege of getting to see my brokenness. 
But praise God there is a Savior who says "I am making all things new." and He still saves.