Breaking Free

Around my early 20's I knew there was something different about me. I wasn't overtly unique or filled with an abundance of amazing skills. I wasn't someone who stood out in a crowd be it for good or bad. Just different. 

I forget at what age I was when I first heard Beth Moore's bible study, Breaking Free. Keep in mind, I have not done the bible study to its fullest degree, but I have listened to the audio version a few times. There are not enough words, emotions, emphatic urgings to express my love for this bible study. I've listened to it at various stages in my life, which has always proved to be pivotal each time. 

The idea of the bible study is to break free from strongholds in your life. To be FREE. To live FREE. But freedom comes at a price. 

I knew in listening to the things from this study that I had the highest urging - dare I say "calling" - to do things differently for my children (which ended up being just "child"). We will all face challenges, struggles, and strongholds in our lives, but I was going to do what it took to keep my child from facing the same unnecessary ones I did. Enter - sanctification period... uhhh decade... and a half... and still going. 

This sanctification business is HHHHAAARRRRDDDD. And it hurts. And so many tears and disappointments and voices in my head. Refiner's fire indeed. More on this in later posts. 

So I get up. And fall back down. And get up again. And fall down again. A hundred times over. 
People come in my life. People leave. And some are kicked out.

I've discovered no rhyme or reason to this healing/protection process - it's healing for me and protection for my daughter. The only constant is God's Word. 

So what's "different" about me? It's the desire and willingness to do the hard things, to see the hard stuff, and to say the hard words to get to the best me. The "me" God needs me to be. The "me" I'm meant to be.